Guest Post - Elizabeth Bailey

Another blog post by one of my wonderful fellow ambassadors, and a real inspiration of mine, for you to enjoy today. Elizabeth is a wonderful lady, full of passion, intelligence and a real zest for life. I am honoured that she has allowed me to share some of her thoughts with you.

Elizabeth Bailey is Cancer Research UK’s Campaigns Ambassador for Luton South and on the Committee of CR UK Luton Relay for Life. Following a brush with breast cancer, she recently gave up a twenty-year Civil Service career and now combines being a postgraduate student with working in her local Public Health Team, and being a mum to two young daughters.  Elizabeth writes on cancer, and being a volunteer:

Over the past week, a family friend has been faced with the possibility that the breast cancer, for which she was successfully treated thirteen years ago, had returned, this time in her bones – secondaries, for which we know there is no cure.

The news stopped me in my tracks. Over time, I had come to the conclusion that the cancer for which I myself was treated three years ago was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  I’ll explain further why thought this, but for now, I’m having to consider that the life enhancing things which have come my way since then may have done so at some considerable cost – and only time will tell.

Early in 2010, I found myself sitting in a rain-drenched hospital car park howling with animal rage because I thought I would not see my little daughters grow up. But chemo, much surgery and radiotherapy have since been and gone.  It is now 2013, and the cancer, fingers crossed, is also gone.  But not the rage.  Cancer, in all its unpleasant incarnations, is now my chosen enemy. 

Everyone should have an enemy, don’t they say – it gives you purpose and direction, something to fight against. It did me. I now devote a good third of my time to helping dismantle this enemy, picking it apart bit by bit, with money, science, politics and the best efforts I can make to weaken it. I hope that even if it is still strong enough to take my friends, or even me, it will be a shadow by the time my daughters have to think about it. It’s in my sightline, and I’m proud to be called obsessive. One of my fellow CRUK Ambassadors, Jan Sheward, once vividly described to me her feeling of controlled rage about cancer.  Right on. I’m cool, calm, and armed with lots of facts and figures. Whoever wants to take me on, good luck.

Don’t misunderstand me - I respect my enemy, and it has given me things.  A whole host of new friends, for one.  Some really exciting, career-enhancing volunteering opportunities for another.  The courage to make a major change. Oh, and something to study for my PhD.  I really can’t complain about all of that. 

But there won’t be any gratitude. On Tuesday last week I went to the House of Commons with my fellow Ambassador Gower Tan, telling Peers and MPs why they should be playing their part in the further crowding-out of tobacco products by supporting an amendment to the Children and Families Bill.  This would enforce standardised cigarette packaging in shops where children are able to see those products. Yes, that’s right. Let’s not mess about here, the moral argument is won.  Peer-reviewed evidence proves that pack marketing attracts children. So we need to stop a toxic, addictive product, and the number one preventable cause of cancer, being dressed up in a completely misleading way. The game is over.  It’s now about taking timely action to save real people’s lives, and I will be making this very clear indeed.

We will win on this point.  It is not matter of if, but of when.  Funnily enough, until recently I used to rail against people describing cancer treatment as a ‘battle’, a ‘fight’ or a ‘war’. I had sad images of my old Dad, too weak to fight. But guess what - I’m getting over myself. If it helps some people to think like that, so be it.  Besides which, I think you can see I’m a bit of a street fighter myself - and I am not putting my coat back on just yet, not until I’m finished.

Remembering Bengu Shail - Greek, Turkish and Cypriot Bone Marrow Donors Needed

Bengu Shail was a fellow Cancer Campaigns Ambassador for Cancer Research UK. She sadly died at the age of thirty five earlier this year after a long batter with cancer. Unfortunately I didn’t get to know her very well but she has still impacted my life in a positive way and I wanted to use a blog post to pay tribute to her and help pass on the message she worked so hard to raise awareness of.

Bengu volunteered for several charities including Macmillan and CRUK. She also fundraised, campaigned and advocated. A lot of this was done from her hospital bed or whilst she was undergoing treatments. I am told she had a very positive outlook on life and was always very selfless.

Bengu was diagnosed with ALL (acute lymphoblastic leukaemia in September 2009. She went into remission after two years of intensive treatment and began working for Macmillan as a Case Studies Officer, helping other cancer patients. Sadly she was informed in October 2012 that the disease had returned and Bengu’s only hope was a bone marrow transplant.

Like my family, Bengu was from Cyprus (North Cyprus to be precise). Unfortunately Anthony Nolan were unable to find a matching donor on their UK register. Patients are more likely to find a match if they have a similar ethnic background and sadly the Greek, Turkish and Cypriot community are hugely underrepresented on the register in the UK.

Bengu herself once said “All of us want a cure for cancer. In my case, the cure is no in the hands of scientists, it is in the hands of my community – selfless people who are willing to spare a few hours of their time to give someone like me a chance to live.”

As a fellow Cypriot I think the best way for me to honour this incredible lady is to look into ways of becoming a bone marrow donor and encourage people from the same background as me to do the same. The Greek and Cypriot communities are famous for their hospitality and their sense of community. I for one have always been hugely proud to be a Greek Cypriot and I feel if we can be helping save each others lives by donating some bone marrow then we should be doing this!!! So if you’re one of my fellow Cypriots – please do check out Anthony Nolan and see how you can go about donating some bone marrow - you could save the life of a fellow Cypriot!

Bengu sounds like an incredible woman and I’m so sad that I didn’t get an opportunity to get to know her. I’m also very sad that this inspiring young lady was taken in the prime of her life. I hope others can be saved by her important message and her memory lives on with an increase in bone marrow donors from the Greek, Turkish and Cypriot communities.

To look into becoming a bone marrow donor please visit http://www.anthonynolan.org/

To donate in memory of Bengu please visit http://www.justgiving.com/remember/78465/Bengu%20-Shail

Macmillan Nurses

One thing that I consistently hear from cancer sufferers and loved ones is that the Macmillan nurses are angels. These very special people spend their time dealing with people in a horrific situation but they do so with compassion, dignity and care. That takes a very special person and I wanted to shine a light on these amazing people today.

You need to be a registered nurse with at least five years of experience (with two years cancer or palliative care experience) in order to become a Macmillan nurse. They also undergo highly specialised training in managing pain and other symptoms as well as how to provide psychological support.

Macmillan nurse are usually employed within the NHS but funded by Macmillan, usually for three years. After those three years they are normally funded by the NHS or a partner organisation. The nurses work within the NHS and aren’t usually involved with private healthcare. The nurses don’t usually deal with routine nursing tasks.

Types of Macmillan Nurses:

Some of the Macmillan nurses have certain areas that they specialise in:

Macmillan Chemotherapy Nurse – These nurses administer chemotherapy to patients and help them deal with the side effects.

Macmillan Breast Cancer Nurse – These nurses provide support for breast cancer patients from the time of the screening and diagnosis right through their treatment and beyond. They provide help for the women in making informed decisions as well as providing practical and emotional support for women coming to terms with a mastectomy.

Macmillan Paediatric Nurse – These nurses provide help and support for children with cancer as well as their loved ones. They provide this support at home and in hospital. They also aim to keep the child at home with their loved ones as much as possible.

Macmillan Lead Nurse – These nurses are senior nurse managers and help shape the future of cancer and palliative care services in their area.

How to Get a Macmillan Nurse:

If you want or need a Macmillan nurse then please speak to your GP  as you will need them to refer you.  You can also be referred by your hospital consultant, district nurse or a hospital ward sister. Please don’t hesitate to ask someone about Macmillan nurses and their availability in your area. Macmillan nurses are based across the UK but there are alternative services available in the event that there aren’t nurses available in your area.

Funding for Macmillan Nurses:

Macmillan nurses are funded 100% by donations to Macmillan Cancer Support. They provide a hugely vital service that many rely on during the toughest period of their lives. Please do donate what you can to Macmillan to keep this amazing service available to as many people as possible.

Please contact Macmillan for further information on their nurses.

Pseudomyxoma Peritonei Awareness Month Part Two

Post number two for Pseudomyxoma Peritonei Awareness Month and today I will be focusing on the cancer itself. I hope you find this post interesting, remember to check Pseudomyxoma Survivor to find out more. I will be using the abbreviation PMP in this post.

PMP usually begins as a slow growing tumour in the appendix known as a low grade appendiceal neoplasm (LAMN). It can also begin in the bowel, bladder or ovary but this is very rare. The causes of PMP are currently unknown.

Most PMP sufferers don’t have symptoms but when they do, they can include:

*Slow Increase in Waist Size

*Hernia

*Loss of Appetite

*Unexplained Weight Gain

*Abdominal or Pelvic Pain

*Changes in Bowel Habits

*Appendicitis

As with most symptoms, the above do not mean you have PMP but they should be investigated by a doctor to rule anything out.

PMP can be difficult to diagnose and can sometimes be incorrectly diagnosed, as my friend Dawn Green discovered. It is sometimes discovered during an operation for another issue or during investigations into abdominal symptoms. A CT scan can be used to make a PMP diagnosis but biopsies and operations are also sometimes required.

As with most cancer types, PMP is treated depending on a number of factors including your general health, the size and position of the tumour and whether it has spread or not.

Radiotherapy isn’t suitable for PMP as the PMP cells aren’t sensitive to radiotherapy and they are usually spread over too large an area for this treatment type to be effective.

Surgery may be offered to treat this cancer type and is available in two forms:

Cytoreductive Surgery and Hyperthermic Intraperitoneal Chemotherapy (HIPEC)

This is also known as the Sugarbaker technique (as Sugarman is the name of the surgeon who developed it) and can also be known as The Mother of All Surgeries. It is an intensive treatment that is used to remove the tumour and hopefully cure PMP. It involves removing the lining of the abdomen or organs such as the bowel and gallbladder as well as the fatty tissue found in the stomach (omentum). Women may also have their uterus and ovaries removed. Around half of people undergoing HIPEC require a stoma (colostomy bag) but this is usually temporary and can be revered after around six months.

The second part of the surgery involves a heated chemotherapy drug being put in the tummy for around ninety minutes once the tumour has been removed. This is known as Hyperthermic Intraperitoneal Chemotherapy or a chemo bath. The combination of the heat and the chemo aims to kill any of the cancerous cells that may have been left behind.

This is a huge operation and can last around ten hours. It also involves a stay in the critical care unit whilst you recover and you may in hospital for around two weeks following the surgery. It has possible serious complications which should be discussed with you beforehand.

There are two specialist centres that offer this surgery: The Basingstoke and North Hampshire Hospital and The Christie Hospital

Debulking Surgery:

This is done with HIPEC is not possible. The aim of this surgery is to remove as much of the tumour as possible to reduce the symptoms. It can involve removing the omenum and bowel as well as the uterus and ovaries for females.

This surgery is unlikely to remove all traces of the cancer and it is likely to grow back afterwards which means further debulking surgeries may be needed. The downside of this is the procedure becomes more complicated and there are fewer benefits but more risks. A permanent stoma is sometimes needed after this kind of surgery to prevent bowel obstructions.

I hope this post has been informative for you. Please do check out Dawn’s fantastic charities website for more information http://www.pseudomyxomasurvivor.co.uk/

xxx

Everyman Male Cancer Month

Happy Monday one and all. I hope you are all well.

June is Everyman Male Cancer Month and I wanted to do a post to reiterate the information I have previously posted regarding male cancers.

If you have Twitter then I would recommend checking out @one4theboys as they encourage men to be more aware of their health. Samuel L Jackson is one of their advocates and you can read his views here:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/23013161

This post is dedicated to my wonderful friend Stuart Pilcher, a survivor after fighting testicular cancer as a teenager. Stuart is one of the most amazing people I have ever met and my friend of almost eight years! You can read about Stuart here: http://pennysophia.blogspot.co.uk/2011/12/stuart-pilcher-survivor-story.html

The post is also dedicated to the wonderful Nigel Lewis-Baker. Nigel is one of my fellow cancer campaigns ambassadors and he suffers from prostate cancer. However, his diagnosis has not prevented him from getting involved and becoming a powerful advocate for several cancer charities including Prostate Cancer UK, Macmillan and of course, Cancer Research UK.

Prostate Cancer:

The Prostate:

The prostate is a gland found only in males. It surrounds the urethra, the tube that carries urine from the bladder to the penis. It also carries semen. The prostate is responsible for creating the fluid part of semen. The prostate needs testosterone (the male sex hormone) to grow and function.

Symptoms of Prostate Cancer:

Having to rush to the toilet to pass urine

Difficulty in passing urine

Passing more urine than normal, especially at night

Pain when passing urine

Blood in urine or semen (very rare)

These symptoms are the same for prostate cancer and an enlarged prostate so it is important to go to the GP as soon as they appear. The symptoms are usually caused because the growth is pressing on the urethra and is blocking the flow of urine. It is important to remember that early prostate cancer does not usually cause any symptoms because the growth is too small to affect the flow of urine.  Prostate cancer usually grows quite slowly, especially in older gentleman. They may only suffer mild symptoms and they may occur over a number of years.

Causes and Risks:

Prostate cancer is the most common cancer for UK men (not counting non melanoma). There are some risk factors:

* Age is the most significant of these risk factors. Prostate cancer is quite rare in men younger than fifty – in fact more than half of all prostate cancer cases are found in men aged seventy plus.

* Having a family history of breast cancer or prostate cancer will also heighten your risk of developing this type of cancer

* If you are of African ancestry then your risk is also higher as this type of cancer is more common in men of black or mixed race descent then white or Asian men

Screening:

The aim of screening for prostate cancer is to diagnose the disease in the early stages when it is usually easier to treat and most likely to be curable. At the moment a national screening test is not available but research is being carried out and trials are taking place all the time.

Diagnosing Prostate Cancer

If your GP suspects prostate cancer then they will:

* Examine your prostate by placing a gloved finger into your back passage

* Get you to have a blood test to check your PSA levels (PSA = Prostate Specific Antigen)

This is not as painful or as embarrassing as it sounds. GP’s do this all the time and although having a finger inserted into your bottom may sound horrific, I am told by reliable sources that is really isn’t as bad as it sounds. Please don’t let the fear or embarrassment stop you getting this test if you feel you have a problem with your prostate – it could save your life.

With PSA levels, it is usually the higher the level, the more likely you are to have cancer. However, don’t be too alarmed by this fact – there could be another reason, for example an enlarged prostate or an infection. In fact, two out of three men with a raised PSA level do not have prostate cancer. It is possible for a man to have prostate cancer but not a high PSA level – this is where the gloved finger comes in handy.

Treating Prostate Cancer:

This is where my post will get complicated so I will try and keep it as clear and concise as possible!

Prostate cancer is divided up into stages. These stages will inform the doctor of how developed the cancer is and this information will help them decide on the best treatment plan for the patient in question. The stages are numbered 1-4 and your doctor will talk to you about your “TNM” which stands for Tumour, Nodes and Metastases. Basically this means they will discuss the size of the tumour, whether is has spread to any nearby lymph nodes and whether it has spread (metastasised) to anywhere else in your body.

Prostate cancer tends to spread to your bones rather than other organs. It is possible for it to metastasise even when the original prostate tumour is very small. This means early diagnosis is key to treating it and controlling it.

There are several factors doctors consider before deciding a treatment plan. These factors are:

* The stage of the cancer

* The grade of the cells (how they look under a microscope)

* Your Gleason score

* Your PSA levels

* Your age

* Your general health

Once these factors have been considered, your treatment options will become clearer and your doctor will discuss them with you. Please ask questions and make sure you feel comfortable with the treatment plan you are offered. Don’t be afraid to get a second opinion.

If the cancer is low risk and is localised to the prostate area only, then active monitoring is likely to be your treatment option. This means the cancer will be monitored and the doctors will wait to see if it develops. If it does start to develop then surgery may be an option and the prostate gland could be removed. Radiotherapy is also an option at this stage.

If the cancer is classed as an intermediate risk but is localised to the prostate area then surgery to remove the prostate gland may be an option. Radiotherapy may also be considered.

A high risk, localised tumour will usually be treated with surgery and external radiotherapy.

If the cancer has broken through the capsule that surround the prostate gland then this is known as locally advanced prostate cancer. This will usually involve surgery or radiotherapy which will be combined with hormone treatments.

There are many types of surgery for prostate cancer; it is worth taking a look at www.cancerresearchuk.org to read about them. I would also recomend contacting Prostate Cancer UK at http://prostatecanceruk.org/

Testicular Cancer:

The Testicles:

The testicles are part of the male reproductive system and are two oval shaped organs that hang just below the penis in a skin pouch called the scrotum. From puberty, sperm is produced in the testicles as is the hormone testosterone.

Testicular Cancer Symptoms:

The most common symptom of testicular cancer is a lump or a swelling. PLEASE DON’T PANIC BECAUSE MOST TESTICULAR LUMPS ARE NOT CANCEROUS. A cancerous lump can vary in size but is usually not painful although some men will find they have a dull ache in the affected area or in their lower abdomen. The scrotum may feel heavy.

GUYS CHECK YOUR BALLS!

As I may have mentioned several hundred times before, cancer is easier to treat if it is caught early. Check your testicles often (once a month) and get to know how they feel normally. This will make it easier for you to notice and lumps and bumps that may appear. Get your partner to check them too so you have a second opinion if you need one.

The best time to check your testicles is after a warm bath because your scrotum skin will be relaxed. Here is a rough guide on how to check your testicles:

-         *  Hold your scrotum in the palms of your hands and use all your fingers and thumbs.

-          * Gently feel one testicle at a time.

-          * A noticeable increase in size or weight can be a sign that something is not right.

-          * You should be able to feel a soft tube at the top and back of the testicle. This is normal

-          * The actual testicle should be smooth with no lumps or swelling.

IF YOU DO FIND A LUMP OR HAVE CONCERN ABOUT YOUR TESTICLES, PLEASE MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR GP ASAP. IT MAY BE SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU BUT DETECTING ANYTHING WRONG AT AN EARLY STAGE COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE AND YOUR TESTICLE!!!

Risks and Causes of Testicular Cancer:

Cancer of the testicles is quite rare in the UK and not much is known about what causes it. However, there are several factors that can increase a man’s risk of developing the disease:

-     * If a young boy has an undescended testicle than it should be corrected by the time they turn eleven to avoid an increase risk of testicular cancer.

-     * Some men have Carcinoma in situ (CIS) which is basically abnormal but not cancerous cells in the testicle. These cells will have to be monitored to ensure they do not develop into cancer and are caught early if they do.

-     *  If you have a brother that has suffered from testicular cancer then research suggests this could increase your risk of developing it too. Around 20% (1 in 5) testicular cancer cases are caused by faulty inherited genes.

-     * Ethnicity is also a factor. In the USA, white men are 5 times more likely to be diagnosed with testicular cancer then black men. In the UK, testicular cancer is also much more common in white men. As yet, not much is known about why this is.

Treatment for Testicular Cancer

There are many factors to consider before your specialist will decide on a treatment plan for you. They will consider the stage, grade and position of the cancer as well as your general health and whether or not the cancer has spread to other parts of the body.

Treatment by Stage:

Stage One – If you have very early testicular cancer then the likelihood is that you will have surgery to remove the whole of the affected testicle. This is called an orchidectomy. You may also be offered Radiotherapy or Chemotherapy.

Stage Two - The treatment of stage two testicular cancers depends on the size of the affected lymph nodes.  It may be treated with chemotherapy or radiotherapy. Surgery to remove the lymph nodes may also be an option.

Stage Three – After surgery, stage three testicular cancers are always treated with chemotherapy to shrink the lymph nodes. If they don’t shrink back to a normal size then they may be removed or treated with radiotherapy.

A LITTLE SIDE NOTE – I NOW WORK IN A FERTILITY CLINIC AND HAVE LEARNT LOTS ABOUT FERTILITY. AS SPERM IS PRODUCED IN YOUR TESTICLES – I STRONGLY URGE ANYONE DIAGNOSED WITH TESTICULAR CANCER TO ASK THEIR SPECIALIST ABOUT FERTILITY BEFORE THEY START THEIR TREATMENT. IF YOUR FERTILITY WILL BE AFFECTED BY YOUR TREATMENT THEN STORING YOUR SPERM IS A VERY EASY PROCESS AND CAN BE DONE BEFORE YOU START YOUR TREATMENT. IT IS VITAL TO PROTECT YOUR ABILITY TO FATHER CHILDREN IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A FAMILY IN THE FUTURE.

So guys, I’m actually encouraging you to regularly have a good old feel of your testicles! It’s hugely important to know your own body and what is normal for you so abnormalities can be detected ASAP should they arise. This could save your life! Please do go to your GP if you have any worries about anything mentioned in my blog post today.

For more information about testicular cancer please visit www.cancerresearchuk.org or visithttp://www.orchid-cancer.org.uk/ which is a specialist charity for male cancers.

If you have testicular cancer and would like to preserve your sperm by freezing it – please speak to your specialist or visit http://www.londonwomensclinic.com/

xxx

Guest Post: Rosa MacPherson - My Cancer Journey

Happy Friday!

Another one of my fabulous ambassadors has written a piece for this blog. I've featured the lovely Rosa on this blog before (http://pennysophia.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/cancer-research-uk-ambassador-showcase.html). I hugely admire Rosa's spirit; she is incredibly brave and very proud to stand up for what she believes in. She is also a wonderful supportive person and very interesting too. She fully deserves her commendation at the Flame of Hope Awards, she is a wonderful asset to Cancer Research UK. I'm honoured she has allowed me to share this incredible piece of writing with you. Rosa has been through some horrific things and I think she is hugely inspirational. xxx

It was 2008, just a few months before I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. I walked up the steps into the chapel and took a deep breath. I didn’t feel ill but I felt far from well.

I looked at the face of my dead mother lying in her coffin. Strangely enough she looked more like herself than she had done in recent years. The Funeral Director had applied her lipstick and painted in her eyebrows and I had made sure she was wearing a pair of her favourite earrings: multi-coloured parrots. She had on her bright beads and her flowered shawl was draped across her shoulders.

Every part an elderly Polish peasant, once more restored to an image of herself she was happy with.  And which made me smile.  At last she seemed like herself.

She had not had an easy death: she starved slowly over a long period, unable to live following the death of my father four years earlier in 2004.  He’d endured amputations, gangrene and late onset diabetes following a lifetime of smoking about 60 a day. He died a heroic death in 2004; facing death squarely and cursing the fact he had ever smoked.

At that time he’d urged me to stop smoking but I didn’t. In fact when he died, my mother, then aged 83 took up smoking; half-heartedly I admit.

Six months following his death my husband George was diagnosed with lymphoma. An ex-smoker he faced chemotherapy with determination and courage and urged me to stop smoking -- but I didn’t.

He was dead within six months of my father and I kept right on smoking.

I developed pre-cancerous cells in my cervix and had treatment to remove them. I was warned that smoking increased my chances of the cells becoming abnormal again. But I kept on smoking.

I took a year out of life and escaped to Poland where I lived on a writer’s grant and tried to trace my parents’ family. I tried to make sense of my family history and myself. I think I felt a deep introspection growing inside me and I felt the loss of those I loved. I tried to fill it with opera and theatre and vodka and cigarettes. In Poland smoking was almost compulsory.

So I kept right on smoking. What was the point?  Anybody could drop dead at anytime. You ‘ve got to die of something, right?

Then in 2008, a full year after I had returned from Poland I decided to finally quit. My son had lost his father and his grandfather and watched as I was smoking my life away. At the same time I watched as my mother withdrew from life; day after day renewing her determination not to eat; me renewing my determination not to smoke. One wanting to die, the other determined to live.

And then that day she died and I looked at her painted smile and thought , ‘how strange that she looks more like herself now, finally.’’

And then I suddenly started to bleed. I felt the blood gush from me and in shock rushed home from the chapel. I decided it was just the trauma of seeing her like that, looking happy to be dead, which had caused the spontaneous period. That’s all it was.

I had been off cigarettes for almost two years. A few weeks after her funeral I walked up the Ochil Hills, a guest member of a group of ramblers enjoying an Indian summer.  The walk was tough.  I was less fit than I ‘d realized and was desperate to get home even though I was enjoying walking to the summit, then down into the ravines at Dollar ‘s Vale of Gloom. The village of Dollar derives its name from Doilleir, an Irish and Scots Gaelic word meaning dark and gloomy. It perfectly suits the place – wild, savage at times but splendid in its greenery and energy. Looking over the Vale I felt the deep desire to connect with the place; to get a feeling for the lives lived here, the dark romance of the land and thinking about the turbulent histories of the age-old inhabitants of nearby Castle Campbell.  I thought of my husband, Georgie, as he fought for every  last breath he had remaining; his desire to be outdoors , just one last time, before  his life was gone.

I wanted to take all of it in.  For him. For my dad. For my mum. All the friends I had lost through cancer.

And then I felt it – the gushing of blood once again.

I wondered if I was going to make it back without any of the other walkers noticing my discomfort and distress.

Back home I crawled up the stairs on my hands and knees and joked about how unfit I was.

I was on the verge of the menopause; that’s all it was.

A surprise opportunity to see Leonard Cohen in an open-air concert at Edinburgh Castle later that Autumn should have filled me with excitement but something stopped me. My friend Anne sensed it as I suddenly jumped up during his rendition of Hallelujah, one of his most memorable songs. I rushed to the temporary portaloo pouring with blood.

It was the excitement of seeing Mr. Cohen and hearing him sing so mournfully. That’s all it was.

That’s what I told the Doc when I finally went to see her. She listened to each of the three occasions when I had bled but when I told her I walked out of a Leonard Cohen concert she shook her head.

“We’re going to have to see about this ,’ she said.

Still no word of cancer.

I was checked for fibroids. Yes, I had them. ‘Best get you a scan,” Doc said. So I did.

“Best get a wee bite out of you,” she said.

So I did.

And still I refused to accept anything was wrong with me. Menopause. Stress. Anxiety. Depression. Loneliness. Anything. Not cancer.

Cancer.

It was cancer. A phone call on the evening of Friday December 5^th 2008 changed my life.

I went out and got drunk. Then I went home and cried and cried, all of Saturday and Saturday night. On Sunday I sat on the couch, red-eyed and swollen. I listened to myself breathing, aware of my breath rising and falling, the oxygen filling my body with energy.

I was still alive. And I suddenly felt a calm descend on me and fill me with quietness and stillness.

I had no idea what was going to happen to me but I knew at that point I would survive this.

There is such a relief when you hit rock bottom.  With nowhere else to fall there is only a deep acceptance and a gentle relief.

I found I was very lucky: Stage 1 uterine cancer, spotted by my eagle-eyed and understanding Doc who, over the years, had taken the time to understand me; who knew that for me to walk out of a Leonard Cohen concert was not normal. It made her move, check me out.

Others are not so lucky.

I have a survivor’s guilt I think.  I lobby, I raise funds, I promote Cancer Research UK. I talk to doctors, scientists, fellow survivors but Georgie is still gone. Family and friends still gone:  Werner is gone. Donnie. Mary. Reiner. David. Ian. Margaret. Jean. And yet I have many survivors in my life too: Olive, Sheena, Rae, Alexandra, Karen. Linda. Me.

I wasn’t close to them all, but enough of them.

Cancer kills. Part of me thinks, well we need to die of something; why not cancer? But cancer is, in part, a manifestation of disharmony in nature, mutation in our bodies, our diets, our hearts, and our spirits. It has pervaded human life and set us challenges to fight back; find answers; change the way we live our lives, to encourage us to offer help, kindness and time to finance and support our fellow humans. Cancer is giving us the opportunity to feel wholly human.

Cancer changed my life. Took people I loved. Changed me. Made me strong. But I still feel I am not doing enough, for others, for the cause, for myself.

Four years on and I remain clear of cancer. I still drink too much,; I don’t walk enough and am overweight. I am not a saint but cancer has changed me. It’s made me realize my mortality. It has helped me reach out for my own humanity. And in doing that I found so much more.

Rosa Macpherson

Guest Post: Andy Millin – Why I Volunteer

Andy is one of my fellow Cancer Research UK Campaigns Ambassadors. He is always full of very interesting information and is very supportive of us all. He is a wonderful part of the group. He recently won an award at the annual Flame of Hope Awards, which is hugely well deserved and he attended the Queen’s garden party which is very glamorous and exciting!

Andy very kindly wrote a guest post for the blog as he knows I’ve been struggling to find the time to write recently. It’s a lovely piece of writing and really conveys what is means to be a volunteer for CRUK. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. Thank you Andy!

I started volunteering for Cancer research back in 2000, when there was a radio shout out for help at the first Race for Life in Swindon. Living within walking distance of the park (it`s quicker to walk than drive) I thought I could go along and see what this new event was and help on the day. Having local knowledge of the park, I got involved with directing marshals to their designated points, and then taking control of a key crossover point on the course.

I remember the event as being pretty basic, compared to events today, but very enjoyable, meeting some great people, and enabling the women to enjoy their first ever race in Swindon. 2001 was pretty much the same, just helping out at the local event.

Things started to change in 2002 when I was asked if I could help at another event in Salisbury.

Since then I`ve been to many great events, Swindon, Salisbury, Newbury, Marlborough, Blenheim Palace, Dorney Lake, Bowood House, Longleat to name a few of the early ones.

For the last 5 years a small team of key volunteers have formed who follow an event manager to all of her events, between  8-10 per year, and also promotional work beforehand. It`s great to be part of such a team and the friendships that have developed over time are valued and exist outside of events.

This year, I will be helping to stage Swindon *2 , Cirencester, Gloucester, Cheltenham *2, Hereford and Worcester events…compared to other years, that’s a bit quiet, and I may need to find something else to do in the summer months

So, what do I do?  Well promotional work can be anything from looking after a stand, giving out promo information, to arranging and taking part in a Zumba flashmob to promote Race launch. Event days will see us on site, usually 5 am, often in a cold damp field, to set up and have everything ready for participants when they arrive. To date, I`ve done every job on event day, except the event managers role, so roles can vary dependant on what needs doing. The Race happens (that`s the easy bit), then we either have to clear down all the site, or freshen it up in the lunch break if there is a second event. There`s also local fundraising events, and last year, after about 4 months of saying I would, I joined the Cancer Research Campaign Ambassadors group.

Why do I give up this time? I`m lucky, I have no direct family who have been touched by Cancer, but I know many people who have. My greatest achievement….to see just one more sign on a participant that says ” I race for me..I survived” Even if it`s only one, my time has been well spent, but we are seeing a lot more survivors, so the work is paying off. Will I be back next year…YOU BET!!!!